Today I braved a near blizzard to get a package out to D. We have been really good about writing each other letters – but I think the packages really cheer him up. I went to the gym after my trade law class, and after a good run got to my locker, pulled out my phone…. my heart sank – 3 missed calls, all D.
I always have my phone on me, and I’m not kidding always, I’m talking about bringing that bad boy in the bathroom when I take a shower always. I was just so exhausted today that I accidentally left it in my locker. When I saw the missed calls – emotions started consuming me: sadness – destitute – anger at myself – disappointment in myself – and some joy mixed in there that I could hear his voice and know that he’s ok after 2 weeks of not hearing anything.
He sounded tired, really tired – and super sad that I didn’t answer which just added to the emotion pool. But he said my Aunt & Uncle sent him this really awesome letter about how they can’t wait to have him in our family and sent him a picture of me when I was 4 in a vampire outfit (oh lord – have never seen it but he said he laughed out loud when he did). He also said he was thinking about this song called I love your love the most, and he got mail today and I had written the lyrics in one of my letters and that it made him feel incredible.
I cried, tears just started flowing out – do you ever have those moments? When its just a natural thing for the tears to drop? Then I pulled it together, went on a walk with Wrigley and called my dad. It helped – I feel like I can express this stuff to him and he understands because he is a Vietnam vet, and has been in D’s shoes. Its a strange blessing thats let us get even closer. Empathy is a incredible bonding mechanism.
Now Wrigs is all cuddled up with me on the couch and making me feel better. Sometimes I think D convinced me to get her and for us to raise her together for these moments exactly. He’s such a smart cookie. I’m also watching my U2 Joshua Tree DVD. It’s amazing. There is this song “In God’s Country” that reminds me of him being at war in Afghanistan.
In God’s Country
Yeah…
Desert sky
Dream beneath the desert sky
The rivers run but soon run dry
We need new dreams tonight
Desert rose
Dreamed I saw a desert rose
Dress torn in ribbons and in bows
Like a siren she calls to me
Sleep comes like a drug
In God’s Country
Sad eyes, crooked crosses
In God’s Country
Yeah…yeah…
Set me alight
We’ll punch a hole right through the night
Everyday the dreamers die
See what’s on the other side
She is liberty
And she comes to rescue me
Hope, faith, her vanity
The greatest gift is gold
Sleep comes like a drug
In God’s Country
Sad eyes, crooked crosses
In God’s Country
Yeah…
Naked flame
She stands with a naked flame
I stand with the sons of Cain
Burned by the fire of love
Burned by the fire of love
Then there’s my favorite song ever – Pride – it makes me want to go out and save the world, I’m going to do it someday… I’ve found it’s a slow process :) It really brightened me up, I think I’ll watch the whole thing a second time. If you don’t have the DVD I highly recommend it, U2 are amazing and on top of their game for the concert.
PRIDE
One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One come he to justify
One man to overthrow
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed on an empty beach.
One man betrayed with a kiss
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
(nobody like you…)
Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love…
I guess it’s one of those days where you just have to chalk it up to bad timing, and keep on keeping on – what I wouldn’t have given to hear him live over the phone lines though.
Posted by contoveros on February 18, 2010 at 2:06 pm
You got me choked up there for a while.
And I don’t even know you or Dan.
But, I am a Vietnam veteran with some of that old fashioned PTSD.
Also practiced law for 20 years, but please don’t hold that against me.
Will check on you now and again. See what you do with trade law. And Life.
Til then, take care. Keep up the good blog.
michael j
Conshohocken, PA USA
Posted by noelbell on February 19, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Thanks so much Michael. I’d love your input on any of the posts legal or military, and it means so much to have a vet following me!